LEARNING TO KISS - Jigsaw Puzzles Part II

The second thing I’ve learned is that I do better when I am frustrated with one puzzle, one dance, not five.  Imagine putting 4 or 5 jigsaw puzzles on the table at one time, and then trying to figure out which pieces belong to which puzzle.  

For example: I’ve learned that the “cross body lead” is a common pattern in several dances, and there may come a time when I understand how this pattern fits within the context of a larger “group” of dances.  However… right now, if I’m learning the Rumba, I do not want to be thinking about the universe of Ballroom dances.  I want to learn the cross body lead within a single dance; the Rumba.  

How shall I put this…?   It is somewhat like when a man meets a woman.  He better have learned “how” to kiss, if he wants to “know” the woman.  And then, only after he really “knows” the woman, should he then be introduced to the rest of her family.  I don't want to be like a stupid teenager that fumbles a kiss.  I want to get past that.  I want to "want" it.  I want the nervousness.  I want the anticipation.  I want to feel it.  I want the confidence that a man feels when he finds someone who is worth his best, and he is certain he can deliver.  I want to learn the patterns so that I can know the dance... really know it... feel it...   Then after I know the dance, I can meet the relatives.

JIGSAW PUZZLES

I grew up putting together jigsaw puzzles.  In the days when there were only 3 channels on the TV, jigsaw puzzles were an inexpensive and enjoyable family activity.  I remember those huge puzzles with 1500 pieces or more.  For many years, I would search for the most unusual or difficult puzzles to give my parents as Christmas gifts.  Those were the days of a long time ago… a simpler time.  Little did I realize, however, that I would find myself in these middle years of my life once again doing jigsaw puzzles.

That’s how I felt at my last my dance lesson.  I was working a puzzle.  Fitting the pieces of a Tango together. Arms as wide as possible.  Chest high and out.  Gaze at 10 o’clock.  Knees bent.   And on, and on… and on.  Piece by intricate piece.  Heel lead.  Timing… Music…  ARRRGH!!!  Lead!!!  Lead early!!!!

The thing that makes this so very different, and I suppose it is what makes it such a challenge, is that while I’m putting the pieces together in one place, an invisible foe is taking them apart in another.  I suppose I could blame the instructor.  I could blame the studio.  I could blame the only other couple on the dance floor.  I suppose I could blame George Bush.  But… I know that there is no one to blame but the dance demons that fight against anyone one who has ever laced up a pair of suede soled ballroom shoes. 

Just about the time I get my arms in the correct position, my feet are wrong.  Just when I think I’ve got my spine in the correct place, my hips are incorrect.  And my knees… they are never where they should be.

Glenn asks if music would help.  My simple response is, “No.”  But what I am thinking is: A resurrected Carlos Di Sarli playing Bahia Blanco over in the corner of the studio probably wouldn’t help.  The Tango demons were tearing up my puzzle.  Each time I put a couple of pieces together, other pieces fell apart.  Was the puzzle beginning to look like a Tango?  Perhaps… only briefly.  Or did it look like a pile of pieces that didn’t even begin to represent the picture on the front of the box?  More likely.

But this one thing I have learned.  The prizes are always awarded to those who never give up… to those who don’t quit.  Working alone; then with a partner.  Listening.  Learning.  Watching. Failing, and then trying it again.  Fitting the pieces together.  Never quitting.  Reaching that point of frustration, then saturation.  Having someone who can tell when I have had enough, and when I can take more… this is essential.  Having a coach that can guide me through this process is a gift.

I have to constantly remind myself, puzzles are only completed by those with patience and perseverance.  I have to remember that what I see today is not the complete picture.

MICHIGAN DANCE CHALLENGE: PART II

If I could make one suggestion, it would be that there should be a way for such an event to be more “neophyte friendly” on a couple of different levels.   Ballroom Dancing would bloom with fresh new faces if this could be done.  Please understand that these are not criticisms.  My comments are more about how I “felt” than about “reality”. And… I must admit that I saw only a couple of hours of an event that lasted several days, so I’m probably not in any position to make any suggestions for improvement whatsoever.   I’m sure that those that work so hard to put together such a spectacular event, might not appreciate someone as insignificant as me offering my “2 cents”.   But… I will take that risk, hoping that no offense will be taken.

I realize that this event was a competitive event and we were not competitors, and I’m not sure how to fix this, but Joni and I felt really out of place.  As much as I love to dance, I still strangely felt like I didn’t fit.   Now I’m not one of those prissy types that needs someone to hold my hand, and coddle me.  I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself… but… Joni and I both felt like we had just gotten thrown into the deep end of the pool.    

I mean… Holy Tango, Batman… I thought I was a being a really great guy when several months ago I ordered online a dance skirt for Joni that cost $89.   Last night as she was looking at dresses she said, “Oh, I like this one.”  Then she saw the price!   “Does this say $3600?”  “No, sweetie… it says $3800!!!!  It was becoming obvious that we were Little Leaguers at a Major League event.

Perhaps it was this perceived distance between ourselves and people who have spent 6 figures annually on dance instruction that I was feeling.  One of the contestants, I was told, was the #1 Dancer in the world several years running.  So I suppose it is not possible to have an event that “feels” right for both he and I.  

I’m a businessman and I have a basic understanding of the enormous budget that is required to hold such an event in such a beautiful place as “The Henry”.   But I wish there was a way that I could afford to have seen more of the great dancing.   Just as a spectator it would have cost nearly $200 a person for the entire multi-day event; for the both of us, just under $400!  I realize that each person’s personal economic situation is different, and for some that may not seem like a lot.  But… for me, it seems a bit much. 

Dancing is a recreational hobby for Joni and me.  It is one of many leisure activities that we enjoy; along side of spending time relaxing on our boat, or water skiing at the lake, or riding our motorcycle down a twisty 2 lane highway.  We have to stretch our discretionary dollars a long way.  So… I suppose that this is what I was “feeling”:  We were discretionary dancers in the midst of those for whom dancing is mandatory.

MICHIGAN DANCE CHALLENGE: OBSERVATIONS OF A NEOPHYTE

Last night Joni and I attended the 2013 Michigan Dance Challenge.  This event is sanctioned by the NDCA (National Dance Council of America) and is a part of the World Pro-Am DanceSport Series.  In a word…  WOW!  Or perhaps… INCREDIBLE!  I forgot INSPIRING.   That’s three words isn’t it?  It really was a wonderful evening as we watched Pro-Am couples dance their way across the floor. 

I was fascinated by the technical expertise demonstrated.  With each dance, I found my attention drawn to particular couples.  It seemed impossible to take my eyes off of them.  I know that it is absurd to think this, but along with the Professional Judges, each of them with long and envied Dance Resumes, the event organizers should include one judge that knows very little about the intricacies of the Tango, or the Foxtrot, or any other of the Standard dances.  They should include a judge whose only interest is, “Which couple is so much fun to “watch” that you can’t “not” watch them.  That couple should get extra points!   Call them “Spectator Points”.  Or… “A Pleasure to Watch Points”.

Among my many observations, however, there is one that I would like to note above the rest.  But first a little background info…

Over the years I have had the opportunity to work as a Music / Drama / Speech Coach.  Some of our students have advanced to National Competitions.   We have spent hours and hours working with students as young as 7 yrs old (he won “Best is Michigan” in his event), to High School Seniors (some of which likewise won “Best in Michigan”).  One of the things that is hardest to accomplish is perfecting a speech or dramatic presentation and then delivering it during a competition without it looking rehearsed.  

This is what I noticed most among the many dancers.  They were all great.  It was obvious that they had spent many long hard hours in the Dance Studio.   They had all paid the obligatory dues necessary to compete at this level. I’m sure that they had the tired sore muscles to prove their worthiness.  I’m very sure that their wallets were much lighter, their bank accounts much less, as a result of the hours of lessons provided by some of the finest instructors.  However, some were able to make it look “unrehearsed”.

Some had the ability to smile a smile that looked sincere, heart felt, genuine.  Some looked like they were having fun.  And… again and again I found myself unable to stop watching them.   They were simply a joy to watch.  Even in a dance like the Tango, the “intensity” of their expression, their Tango face, even though I knew that it was not, looked real.  I knew they were playing a part in a drama that had been rehearsed a thousand times before, yet they somehow made it look as if was the first time.  The “heel lead” pursuit… the “turn of the head” rejection… they made it feel real.   

I suppose the thing that made this really apparent was that among the many dancers, some were incapable of making this “fresh / unrehearsed” quality happen.  As a result, their inability made those that could pull it off really stand out.  Those who came out of their “game face” after their hurried “bow” at the end of a particular dance seemed in that moment to be all the more obvious.  Some looked perfect and perfunctory.  Others looked as though they were having fun.  And on my Judges Scorecard… Perfunctory = Minus Points.  Fun = Extra points!

DECISION MADE

It is the Rumba and the Tango...  And I feel very good with the decision.

TO TANGO OR NOT TO TANGO

I do not yet know what to do...   I suppose that we are at a hardwood crossroads.  Our goal in the beginning was to simply be able to do a little dancing on a cruise that was, at that time, about a year away.  Well, that cruise has come and gone, and that goal can be crossed off the list.  But now what do we do?  We need a goal. 

I suppose that we could continue to work on the "basics" of the Salsa.  We probably need to learn a little Country Two Step.  We should probably expand our catalog of "basic" dance steps.  But... that is not what I want to do.  I want to focus... I think on two dances.  Only two.  Not one; not three or four or five.  Just two... and I want to do them really well.  Oh, I don't mean "Dancing With the Stars" well.  I mean maybe "beginning Silver" well.

On our most recent cruise we "fooled" a lot of people.  Fellow cruisers seemed very impressed and they said nice things to us about our dancing.  To be honest, it was kinda cool to have total strangers come up to us and complement our dancing.  But I wasn't fooled.  And now... today... I don't want to fool anyone.  I want to "know" that we are as good as they thought we were.  I want their kind words to be somewhat deserved.  So... how do I get there?

We both like the Rumba, but I know that the Rumba we "like" and the "real" Rumba are probably not one in the same.  From what I know about the history and personality of the Rumba, we are a very long way from all that the Rumba can be.  Cuban Motion is not naturally suited to my Scots/Irish DNA.  Truth be told, it is probably the music that draws me to this dance.  It moves me.  But sadly, what my soul hears and what my body does in response are two very different things.  My natural movement is quite the opposite of the Latin movement that typifies the Rumba.  So...  we have a lot of work to do.

I personally very much like the music for the Foxtrot.  I love the fluidity of this dance.   I like the elegance of the Foxtrot in the same manner that I don't like the elegance of the Waltz.  They should call the Foxtrot the American Waltz.  The Waltz is a pretentious, snooty, European Royalty, sort of dance.  I always get the feeling that we fought the Revolution so we wouldn't have to dance the Waltz.  The Foxtrot is an elegant Fly Me to the Moon / I've Got You Under My Skin sort of dance.  The Waltz is Champagne.  The Foxtrot is Bourbon.  So... the Foxtrot has a lot of appeal. 

I also like the way the Foxtrot looks as it is being danced.  If I could compare the Foxtrot and the Rumba, I would think that this "spectator" perspective is perhaps the most significant difference.  One can enjoy the Foxtrot as much from watching as you might from dancing it.  But, the Rumba seems to me to be altogether different.  If it is done correctly, the enjoyment comes only as you "do it".   I could dance the Foxtrot with anyone.  But if the Rumba is truly a Rumba, I should probably reserve this dance exclusively for my wife.  The Rumba should be danced in such a way as to cause the spectator to feel a bit embarrassed by watching.  The spectator should feel a bit of voyeuristic guilty pleasure when they see it danced. 

And then there is the Tango...  The Tango is a dance which dares to be seen.  And I think in a much different manner than the Rumba, the Tango likewise is a dance that causes a spectator reaction.  The reaction to the Rumba is like, "I can't believe they're doing that in public, and though I probably shouldn't watch, I can resist doing so.  Shame on me."  The Tango reaction should be, "Oh, my God!  They are doing THAT in public!  Shame on them!" 

I like the Tango... It seems to me to be in stark contrast to the Foxtrot.  Whereas the Foxtrot is "liquid in motion", the Tango is sharp and severe.  The Tango is a dance that should frighten... perhaps even confuse the spectator.  It is as if the dancers are saying, "Watch this!,  I dare you..."  The Tango should take everyone's breath away.

So... today, I don't know.  Which two of these three will it be?  I do not know....  Stay tuned.

ONE YEAR LATER

Here I am one year later.  It was a little over a year ago that all this began.  Well... that might not be quite completely honest.  Let me start over.  Joni and I have been dancing since High School.  Our very first dance as a couple was as two teenagers at a party for the cast of one of the High School Drama productions.  I don't remember which it was,  Fiddler on the Roof... perhaps Brigadoon.  I don't remember and it doesn't matter.  What I do remember is how beautiful Joni was in her pink formal gown... and the song.  It was Chicago's "Colour My World".  "As time goes by, I realize... just what you mean to me..."  Oh... I almost forgot.  We also did some choreographed dancing in a Choral group that we were a part of.  But... Ballroom Dancing... that all started a little over a year ago.

We were on a cruise on the Carnival Dream.  Nightly we watched couple who "knew" how to dance, as they foxtrot-ed and cha-cha-ed themselves across the dance floor in the Atrium Lobby.  They looked awesome.  I thought to myself, Joni and I could do this.  But it was not those particular great dancers that ultimately inspired us.  They might have struck the match, but they were not the ones to light the wick.  That distinction goes to an elderly couple that was also on that cruise.

They had to be over 90 years old, or so I thought.  He was shorter than she was.  I would be surprised if he was over 5ft. 6in. tall.  His glasses were thick with dark plastic frames.  There were held securely in place by an elastic sport strap.  It all struck me as rather odd.  She just stayed attached to his arm and smiled... a lot.  He too smiled a lot.  And then the music would start...

Out on the dance floor then held each other and moved and swayed together.  When a faster song would begin they would bounce a little, twist a bit... and smile at each other... a lot.  I couldn't help but wonder about the conversation they must have had with their children.  "We're going on a cruise.  We're going dancing."   I imagined their 70 year old children worried about Mom and Dad...  Would they be safe?  Would they get hurt?  Or lost?   I laughed at the idea that this wrinkled old couple was having the time of the life dancing together, and worrying their children.

Late one night, well past what must have been their normal "bed time", they were gettin' their groove on... the dance floor was packed... and as the song ended there they were, right next to us.  Another couple nearby smiled and said, "I hope you don't mind me asking... but... your age??   Would you mind telling us?"  To which, with a huge smile, he didn't hesitate a response.

"I'm 85"... and then turning to his wife, he said, "She is 86."  She looked at him with eyes of romance and love, smiled, and put her head on his shoulder."  The look they shared together was priceless. 

The other couple said something else, like... "You both look great...", or something such as that, I don't remember exactly.  It was then that I caught the elderly man's attention, and I said to him... "You are my inspiration...  When I'm your age, I want to being doing exactly what you are doing."  They both smiled and returned back to their table to catch their breath before the next song began.

I watched them dance several times again during our week at sea.  I will never forget them.  Within 6 weeks after we returned home, Joni and I had enrolled in Ballroom dance classes at a nearby studio.

Here we are 1 year later.  I have lost 25 pounds.  I have better posture than I've ever had in my life.  I am more flexible and have less muscle aches and pains than I've had in the last 20 years.  Joni and I have enjoyed many, many hours of dancing together.  We've learned a lot, and yet need to learn so much more....  I just hope when I'm 85 yrs. old, and Joni is 86, that we will be seen dancing together somewhere out in the middle of the Caribbean... worrying our kids.